Things You Would Never Hear Okami Characters Say
by BlackWolf2Dragoon
Summary: Title says it all. Would we hear Okami characters say these things? I haven't heard them say it yet. Have you? Several pairings, only mild. May add more to even if listed as complete. K  for mild language. Okamiden spoilers up to Chibiterasu and onwards.
1. Waka

People don't ask me where I got these ideas from because I don't know either.  
I can't think what to write on 'Lovers beat the Darkness' but as I was thinking this thought suddenly came up.  
Sorry if it isn't actually funny but I tried.  
Let's start with one of my favourite characters on Okami as the first victim shall we?

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Things You Would Never Hear Waka Say

These aren't stilettos; they are the fashion on the moon.

I've given up on flutes and am playing harmonicas instead.

Bog off Oki! Ma chérie is mine! Go with Samickle if you're that desperate!

Has anybody seen my hat?

Why is it that every time I speak people fall asleep?

Why does Abe look at me like he would glomp me at any given moment?

Don't tell anyone but I stole Darth Vader's lightsaber.

Half-baked? I'm fully baked thank you.

Oki's jealous of my french charms!

My little bouncing friend thinks Kaguya is my sister! I shall stamp on him with my stilettos!

How many times has Mika nearly hit someone with his stick?

I forgot to thank Susano for removing the sword Tsukuyomi. Sure Orochi came back but so did ma chérie.

Nothing happened between me and ma chérie when we went back to the Celestial Plain! Sure we were alone but I would never do anything stupid!

Behold! Pillow Talk!…why won't it work!? C'mon you stupid lightsaber!

Don't laugh at my blonde hair! See this is why I wear a wig because people never laugh at me when I wear it!

* * *

Who's going to be my next victim? Wait and see!  
Some weren't actually funny but as I said I tried.  
Oh and if you didn't know glomp is when someone runs fast, jumps at you and hugs you (mostly from behind as forward glomps don't make you fall down as easily)  
Review please and if you have any ideas I'll be glad to hear them. 


	2. Amaterasu

Sorry Jombra if I forgot to joke about Waka's sword but I did a bit here.  
I also apologise if these aren't actually funny but I tried.  
Amaterasu's the next victim! MWAHAHA!!! 

* * *

Things You Would Never Hear Amaterasu Say

It's not so bad being a wolf because then I can bitch around all I want and have a reason to.

This divine instrument is heavy on my back

You can Pillow Talk with me Waka

I'm warning you! Another bad word coming from your mouth and I'll paint glasses on you and give you a moustache!

Orochi just wanted me to look bad by getting killed by a useless warrior instead of a wolf goddess. I would've won if he didn't cheat for me and not for Susano!

Issun is ruining my romantic moment with Waka

100 Years ago people tried to kill me now people just ignore me!? That's what gods get!?

I never want to become microscopic again! Issun knows how to put up with it but not me!

Is Kaguya really Waka's sister? If so invite her to my wedding.

I'm glad Himiko is dead. Now nothing will come between me and Waka…except Issun of course.

Has anybody got any killer bug spray?

Oki how many times must I tell you!? I'm going out with Waka but Samickle was looking for a playmate.

Tattoos? Oh the red markings. I got it done by the gods. Here's their number: 0000 000 001. Yeah it's the first phone number made how did you know?

Yami had balls of fun and I hope I do too!

Rao didn't fool me! I just… wanted Issun to be distracted by her melons.

* * *

Who's next? Probably Issun but who knows? Not even me.  
Sorry if they aren't funny!  
Review please on your way out. 


	3. Issun

This took quite a bit of thinking and I tried not include too much about babes and stuff.  
I loved Anna-Jay's update on Chest Pains even if it was WakaxAbe. Great job!  
You may actually imagine Issun say these things and sorry again if these aren't funny. 

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Things You Would Never Hear Issun Say

-Singing- Prophet's got a sister that he'll never see again!

Half-baked prophet says I bounce, he's right ya know.

I hate art, I hate art, I actually like it but I hate it. Does that make any sense? It's tiring but it saved Ammy's life. Bet the prophet's really happy now.

My cape is strangling me!

You don't wanna know what Oki and Samickle was doing in the blizzard.

I have a feeling the prophet has the hots for Ammy. The prophet's in love with a wolf! I would give the prophet some tips but he owes me!

OMG! I just noticed that I said to the busty babe that I looked like I was staring at her melons! The busty babe was a monster so I just said I wasn't staring at its melons!

When I take over old man Ishaku's place as chief will there be a Ponc'tan to be chief of? I wouldn't be surprised if all the Poncles died of ink poisoning.

Will Kemu still be trying to tan my hide on his deathbed?

Orochi is lucky, he only needs to threaten Kamiki Village to get his babes. 99 he killed 'cause they weren't hot enough.

Wonder what happens if I get the prophet a little tipsy in front of Ammy?

Out of all the people Blight could've taken over minds of why choose the Emperor? He had a ton of chicks to choose from yet he chose him!

Who's this Yami guy? Wait a guy or a chick? Imagine if the ruler of all that is evil is a chick! I'll have a real challenge if so.

Treasure or babes? Hm…that's a hard one. I know what Ammy would go for. A prophet.

I didn't faint on sight of queen Himiko! I just…had a heart attack from the prophet's sneak attack!

* * *

Oki's next in line for torture! MWAHAHA!!!  
Ah hem...I had a crazy idea last night! Imagine if Ammy became human (kinda) again and she and Waka got married and she then had Waka's kid! That would be soooo adorable! -squeel-  
Whoa got pulled into fantasy there. Review please! Thanks! 


	4. Oki

I did this in a rush so if it isn't funny I have my reason. I finished it at 10:30pm so yeah.  
I said on my other story I had good news and bad news for AmmyxWaka fans who read the 'Lovers Beat the Darkness' chapter 6.  
I shall explain about it later but first the jokes hehe.

* * *

Things You Would Never Hear Oki Say

Cool! My sword Kutone glows like Waka's lightsaber!

Who glued my mask to my face?

How should I greet Samickle? Human way by shaking hands or wolf way by…never mind.

Don't diss my hair! Waka has blonde hair like Cinderella! Go bug him!

I quite enjoyed being catapulted by Amaterasu when we fought against Lechku and Nechku.

-Singing- I got away with stealing the sword and Issun got told off!

First I hated Samickle because he became chief instead of me but now I love him for easing my guilt.

Have you got a problem with gays? Waka loves a wolf so what's wrong with gays?

Kai thinks she is the fastest Oina but at least I am not defenceless when demons come to attack or if I lost my sister I wouldn't just sit in my house as if I didn't have one.

Guess who won the best Oina mask contest. Kemu because people could actually tell what his mask was supposed to be. That and he is chief and he must win.

I preferred it if Issun was still missing because he interrupts my private chat with Samickle too often though it is easy to send him away by saying Waka has kidnapped Amaterasu.

I'm just chillin' in a blizzard is that normal?

Susano is a descendant of Nagi so does that make me the descendant of Wawku? Damn why not? I am strong and defeated Lechku and Nechku. He wasn't gay? Why not?

Amaterasu I am not asking you out. I am going to chill out with Samickle somewhere and I thought you would like to know. You are going where with Waka!? I regret asking you now.

Monsters beware! I am going to hunt you down and kill you! MWAHAHA!!!! What!? Don't make fun of me because of my mask! –runs off crying-

* * *

-Hands Oki a tissue- Anyway how was that? Sorry if people don't like Oki being gay.  
Here's the good news and bad news for 'Lovers Beat the Darkness' fans:  
The good news: I had a thought and I think it's genius! I shall keep you updated on more info next chapter on 'Lovers Beat the Darkness' story.  
The bad news: You may hate me for the ending I have come up with. I shall tell you more with the good news.  
I have no idea who is the next victi-I mean character.  
Review please and tell me who you want to be the next victim. One with the most votes wins (or loses since he will be the next victim hehe) 


	5. Sakuya

I shall grant Shakuma-Marie-Uchiha's wish to torture Sakuya. (love your story btw)  
dragonwolf maiden's wish to torture Princess Fuse will come next so don't panic!  
And Jombra while Ammy was staring at Rao's boobs in my mind she would think 'Wow! I wish mine were like that.'  
With me telling people stuff out the way let's get popcorn and enjoy Sakuya's torment!  
PS. In saying number 9 I don't think that Hasugami and Sakuya would make a nice pairing.

* * *

Things You Would Never Hear Sakuya Say

When I said I was a Wood Sprite it doesn't mean I'm made out of wood! –Chainsaw noise- ARGH! RUN!

Flashing Wood Sprite only 50 yen per flash.

Why must I have a purple cloud thing following me wherever I go?

OMG FIREWORKS! MORE FIREWORKS! Issun tried to get me drunk that day. How dare he!

That kind old man who did the Konohana shuffle I was wondering WHAT THE HELL HAS HE GOT ON HIS HEAD!?

I am always alone until that bug came and bugged me.

I prefer myself to be a tree and eavesdrop on people's conversations, especially the two travellers who stand by my tree often.

May the fresh scent of flowers- EWW! I HATE STINK WEED!

I kept Hasugami safe for you Amaterasu. No nothing happened between us!

The Guardian Saplings are like my children. Who's the father!? Not like that!

My boobs are not for sleeping in bug.

I'm Sakuya not Shakuya. I didn't talk like that when I was little!

You don't want to know what Susano and Kushi was doing in the Cave of Nagi.

Amaterasu is friendly with the man from the Moon? The Sun God and the man of the Moon. Not a bad couple I guess but Amaterasu is not going to use me to distract the bug!

Some people wished for my spirit and Orochi's spirit to rest in peace and I'm grateful they wished it upon me but to wish it for Orochi!? They must be drunken idiots!

* * *

I hope you laughed because it took forever to think of these! Clover didn't give Sakuya a big part in Okami so I had to think hard on what she wouldn't say.  
As I said before dragonwolf maiden's wish to torture Princess Fuse will come next chapter.  
Sakuya and Hasugami in my opinion don't make a nice couple but you guys may have different views.  
Review please and if there is any other character you wish me to include except Susano, Kushi and Abe don't be scared to ask! 


	6. Princess Fuse

School is sooo annoying! Honestly sometimes I wonder how I'm still sane! Some idiot in school turned the gas taps on and left them on all night! Fortunately the school is still in one piece and nobody suffered from breathing in too much gas but my class suffered with getting told how disappointed the teachers were.  
With me complaining out the way dragonwolfmaiden here's your wish for torture.  
Princess Fuse hardly ever talks and we don't know much about her so that's why there isn't as many jokes as previously. Enjoy.

* * *

Things You Would Never Hear Princess Fuse Say

Satomi Power Orbs get back here right now!

I married a spirit!? Don't be stupid!

Having to live with dogs for the rest of my life isn't a worthless life but not seeing anybody and training dogs to fight might be.

Is it a bad thing that I couldn't fight Crimson Helm without the dogs?

Why do the Satomi Power Orbs prefer Amaterasu? It's because she is a canine isn't it?

I didn't nearly get killed by a fire crocodile horse thing! I…knew Amaterasu was coming so I waited for her to fight for me.

The logo for the Satomi house wasn't my idea but whoever's it was I don't know what went through his head making such a simple and boring logo.

My butt is not big thank you bug. This clothing just makes it look big.

Just because my name is Fuse doesn't mean you can try and set me on fire.

My family may have trained the Canine Warriors for decades but that doesn't mean they are saddos who don't have a life.

* * *

I may need your help readers for finding out how is the next victim.  
Hopefully you people don't leave the gas taps on in school and find out no school the next day because it blew up.  
Review please and vote who is the next victim for torture. 


	7. Rao and Ninetails

Sorry for the slight delay but I finally got this done.  
dragonwolf maiden this chapter is for you! It has both Rao and Ninetails in it!  
Nice to torture people near Christmas isn't it? I hope I did get the people who read 'The Perfect Christmas Gift' story into the Christmas spirit. If you haven't read it and are an AmmyxWaka fan you should read it (it has fluff in it).  
Now let the torture begin (voting the weakest link music comes on)

* * *

Things You Would Never Hear Rao Say

I have a nasty surprise hidden in my melons for perverts.

Queen Himiko is so lazy making me do all the sappy work cheering people up but the good thing is its quite easy. Most people just look at my melons and they feel better instantly.

Was it just me or did Amaterasu stare at my melons when we were on the Sunken Ship? She isn't a lesbian is she?

I didn't enjoy riding on the back of a wolf but seeing what she can do is…going to foil my plans to kill Himiko! DAMNIT!

What is the point in my Ankoku Temple if I am in Sei-an all the time? Though I guess its funny when people travel far to see me and find out I'm not there.

I can't believe my little pieces of paper can blow open the cursed doors and Amaterasu couldn't even touch it!

Useless Water Dragon! It can sink ships but can't catch one wolf! It can also eat Fox Rods but not a wolf goddess!

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Things You Would Never Hear Ninetails Say

I really hate electricity now.

Who won the most number of body parts competition you ask? A millipede since they have loads of legs but at least I beat Orochi.

I need to make my tails fire proof after that fight with Amaterasu.

I am the Dark Lord not Yami! Yami is the evil ruler of darkness while I am his servant. Not much of a living I know taking orders from a fish in a bowl.

I have more brushes than Amaterasu! I have nine while she has only one! But she is still better than me at painting.

I always go to a fancy mask party. My mask isn't much but I like it. I also gave my tails masks you like?

How did you guess nine is my favourite number? Well the tails were obvious but the sword I never thought you would notice since people usually make fun of me getting electrocuted by Amaterasu.

* * *

Even the bad guys can be tortured but its more fun to torture heroes since we know more about them.  
**Alerting all AmmyxWaka fans (again) read 'The Perfect Christmas Gift' if you have not done so already because it has fluff on it!  
**I hope that got your attentions. Review please and as usual leave the name of the character you want me to torture next.


	8. Susano

Sorry about putting Susano up late people especially to bleachrules1314.  
Here we are I finally got it up and for some reason my mind wasn't exactly happy about it but if you guys like it then I have nothing to fear...except maybe death or an eternity of torture.  
Enough doom and gloom time for some laughs!

* * *

Things You Would Never Hear Susano Say

Ok I admit it! I don't know how to even hit a fly, I don't train and I have gotten drunk on sake happy now!?

Just because Fiddo and I are brothers in arms doesn't mean we are brothers. Fiddo is a girl!? Why didn't you say so!?

You wish to know how I came across my sword? I didn't make it from a tree if that's what you're thinking. Some trees have been damaged? Don't look at me.

I really hate snakes, mountains and bells now. I even hate Nagi for making me his descendant!

So much for the Tao Master guarding the Moon Cave if even I managed to remove Tsukoyomi easily!

Most people think how the hell I can talk if my beard and moustache takes up most of my face and they can't see my mouth!

I wonder what it would've been like if I was given dark power beyond comprehension like Orochi said?

Do people ever notice my tattoos? Well at least mine are better than Fiddo's.

Fiddo couldn't defeat that Crimson something or other yet I could and I beat Orochi! Fiddo isn't doing too well.

Damn that Crimson Helm! Yay I remembered Crimson something or other's name! Damn I forgot it again!

I really messed up with Kushi at the lake but in the cave of Nagi –snicker-

Does Fiddo know what love is? She interrupted Kushi and me while we were…um…talking? Fiddo is in love? Oh alright then she just loves to embarrass people.

Why must Fiddo interrupt my meditating all the time? What!? I don't sleep! Um…well I do but…not all the time.

As everybody knows I am Susano, the greatest warrior who ever lived! I can spell see: warior. That is how you spell it right?

Why does Orochi get all the sake? I want some too! Gimme some Fiddo!

Don't ask me why my sword has a pink flower on it. I told you before it isn't made out of wood! The moon may make flowers grow even on golden swords.

* * *

Sheesh how many bloomin' characters are there!? When will I stop!? Who knows lol.  
Kushi is next then Himiko (how cares if she is dead? people can make fun of the dead too.) then maybe Orochi but we shall see.  
Did I mention I accept anonymous reviews? Well I have now so review please and tell me if I should leave this chapter like this or change some of it. 


	9. Kushi

Sorry for the slight delay but 'Lovers Beat the Darkness' needs to be finished ASAP. It's driving me nutts not being able to finish it! Chapter 12 up and still a lot to go!  
Anyway did anybody like Susano's not-going-to-say sayings? Tell me if you didn't so I can change it for you.  
Kushi is next in the electric chair hehe. Enjoy!

* * *

Things You Would Never Hear Kushi Say

I practice at the dojo so I can carry the big barrel to and from Kamiki Village near festival time.

Don't ask where I got my hat from but it's better than the Tao Master's pink hat.

Issun and Snowy told me not to let monsters try my sake but I let Orochi try it anyway and I'm glad I did.

What went on during the Kamiki festival in the Cave of Nagi is none of your business!

Weird, Mushi's mom says that something keeps digging up her turnips yet my crops have only been touched by my hands and some monsters feet but only because I let it try my sake.

That boy, Kokari, has a pink dog. I mean a pink dog! Where did he get that!? I want it!

I'm glad Susano listened to me before I left for the Moon Cave instead of ignoring me like most soon-to-be husbands do.

I quite liked the sacrificial dress. Maybe I should wear it on my wedding day!

What were Snowy and the Tao Master talking about before Orochi snatched me? Love? Oh never mind then.

I think monsters have a grudge on me since 1st a monster destroyed my crops 2nd I got attacked by a gang of Imps when I went to fill my barrel with water and 3rd I ended up as Orochi's sacrifice. Why me!?

* * *

Poor Kushi having to go through all that. Amaterasu is a god so she can take all that.  
If it's kinda rubbish let me know, don't go easy on me with the reviews I want to hear you being honest thanks!  
Yeah I was listening to music while typing this, Mighty Wings rocks! Not as much as Stray by Steve Conte (aka Wolf's Rain theme song)  
Review please and as I said earlier please be honest I can take the torture if you must torture me. 


	10. Orochi

You guys are lucky this was updated sooner because I feel terrible, CURSE THOSE STINKING COLDS AND THROAT AND...! Yeah not too well at all.  
I felt like making fun of Orochi so the others have been pushed back for now but I will do them later.  
I know only one head actually does the talking but hey let's see what they wouldn't say if they could talk.

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Things You Would Never Hear Orochi Say

Fire Head: Watch where you point your head Water! Oh you're on the opposite side? Well don't shower like an elephant does then!

Earth Head: Just because I hit my head on the floor doesn't mean I'm stupid. –bangs head on the floor- OW! Why did I do that?

Poison Head: Diseases are my best friends but Blight I don't like since he said my breath was cleaner than a dog's mouth!

Water Head: -sings while head is under water- 'if you see a crocodile don't forget to-gets hit on the head- ARGH! No I don't sing while bathing!

Wind Head: Whoa dude a tornado! Why do I feel dizzy all of a sudden?

Light Head: I'm evil yet I burn people's eyes out with light? Why light!? I'm evil and evil is ruled by darkness not bright lights!

Thunder Head: Where did it go? Aha! There you are! –bangs head on a wall- OW! You grew so big all of a sudden.

Darkness Head: MWAHAHA! I'm pure evil more than the other heads and nothing hurts evil! OW! THE LIGHT! IT BURNS!

* * *

I do have an excuse for them not being funny if they weren't: I'm ill with a cold and dry throat and only ate a banana and half my dinner yesterday! Not gonna last long on a banana and half my dinner am I?  
Review please and even if I'm in a poor state don't go easy on me if you see a fault in this so-called story. 


	11. Blight

It is still short even though I added more jokes but it'll do.  
Blight I didn't much like because he is annoying to fight. He moves so fast, except when you use the veil of mist, and even with a strong weapon it hardly damages him much.  
Never mind that it's time for torture!

* * *

Things You Would Never Hear Blight Say

No I haven't been stabbed by countless swords. Oh…uh they are part of the costume.

Have you noticed I like weapons? That's why I have so many on my costume.

-cough- Damn this illness! I make mortals ill but I don't get myself ill!

The smartest of us two? You're saying that Goldnail is smarter than me!? How can a sword be smarter than me!?

I wouldn't be surprised if I won the 'most times been stabbed and still survived' competition.

I bet I could beat Superman in a race but that white mutt would beat me by slowing time down, what a cheater!

Depression I love it! Did you just call me a saddo? Why you-!

My face? What is wrong with my face? Oh, the fact that I don't have one is scary?

Why take over a fat lazy old Emperor and not a young good-looking girl? Simple, Ninetails beat me to one!

I wonder if I would be able to hide inside a castle and act like one of those suits of armour if I stayed still. That way I can avoid Ninetail's anger on me for failing to beat a white mutt.

* * *

Yay! I finally thought of more jokes! I also updated my profile and now includes more infomation on my OCs like Wakusei. Check it out for more info!  
I can't wait for Okami to come out on the Wii in 2008! My little sister wants to buy it even though we have it for the PS2, maybe for the love of Okami or just for curiosity. Wonder how River at Dawn will handle making this game?  
Review please and as usual you can put down your suggestions and, of course, what you thought of these jokes. 


	12. Yami

SORRY! This is delayed and I'm sorry! It's hard to come up with good jokes, that and I'm working on another story.  
This is if Yami would speak, which he cannot. I think Yami is actually the fish in the bowl, which explains why he wants to take over the world in his armour.  
Time for laughs and hopefully this aren't as rubbish as some others.

* * *

Things You Would Never Hear Yami Say

The reason I caused so much damage was because I was bored. What else can a fish in a bowl get as entertainment?

Woot! I blew a transvestite out of the sky! I got a dog begging in front of me! I'm good, people would never laugh at me now!

I could play dominoes with myself using my armour in its green form! Why didn't I think of that?

BINGO! I WIN ON MY OWN SLOT MACHINE! DANG, I BURNT MYSELF!

I plopped out of my armour in its yellow form. Not a good experience.

THE SUN BURNS! WHERE'S THE DARKNESS!? MY HAND DROPPED ME ON THE FLOOR! OUCH!

Is there anything my hand cannot grab? The hand on my armour not my real hand! Do I have a real hand anyway?

I like my big hammer! Smash things! Can't you stay still, you mutt! Let me hit you!

LOOKIE AT MY TWIN SWORDS! OW! –plops out- DANG, IT DID IT AGAIN!

-Ball covered in ice- WTF!? I CAN'T SEE!? IT'S WINTER ALREADY!?

I have fireballs as my confetti! PARTY! C'MON WOLFIE! PARTY!

We could have a disco with my beams of light! Let's turn my bowl into a disco ball! No, wait! I would get dizzy otherwise!

I'm like spider man! Except that I spring out a beam of light instead of webs.

THAT WOLF CHEATED ON MY SLOT MACHINE BY SLOWING TIME DOWN! SHE GOT A BINGO TOO!

I get dizzy after trying to saw that doggie to pieces. I wanted to try wolf goddess pizza, care to try some?

* * *

Good or bad? Hopefully good.  
Things are gonna come up slowly as I'm very busy, with my mocks coming up after xmas I'm slightly panicky.  
Review please and hopefully I'll be able to post the next one sooner than before. 


	13. Canine Warriors

Whoa time for a small break from the bad guys and my other story, I made some people upset because it was such an upsetting moment -sniff-  
Anyway let's hear some laughs! Small break from torturing bad guys because they aren't as fun as the good guys.  
This was done quite fast so sorry if I totally messed it up!

* * *

Things You Would Never Hear The Canine Warriors Say

Canine Warrior Chu/ Hayabusa: I am the turnip master! Bow down before my claws!

Canine Warrior Jin/ Ume: Dang! That white wolf keeps ruining my plans for suicide!

Canine Warrior Gi/ Take: WTF is this big cry baby Sparrow doing to my fur!?

Canine Warrior Rei: WADDYA LAUGHIN' AT!? NEVER SEEN A DOG BEFORE!? Oh not a green dog? Hang on…I'M NOT GREEN! Oh so I am.

Canine Warrior Ko: Why am I the boring looking dog? Every other dog looks odd but me…I actually look normal. NO FAIR!

Canine Warrior Shin: Huh huh. I like being lazy! How the heck did I become a Canine Warrior I haven't a clue!

Canine Warrior Tei: -listening to the song brother my brother constantly- Brother my brother! Tell me what are we fighting for. –Someone shouts 'to defeat demons you pleb!'-

Canine Warrior Chi: I'm a pink powder puff. NOT A POM POM SO GET LOST!

* * *

-Backs away slowly with tail drooped- I'm scared...of a pink puppy.  
Did I mess it up by doing it too fast? Sorry if I did.  
Review please and-looks down and remembers that I stol- I mean 'borrowed' Kamo's Trident- Oops...I forgot I was running from Kamo because I st-'borrowed' his trident. Hehe OH CRAP! HE'S AFTER ME! -runs away- 


	14. Brush Gods

Man! I really need to update sooner! Sorry for the long delay but I finally managed to finish this 'chapter'.  
Hopefully these are better than some previous ones, some of them really were rubbish and I should really think them over again some time.  
Can't forget these gods, can we? I mean, we don't see them very often and I did say 'Okami characters' so they count. Time for some LOLS!

* * *

Things You Would Never Hear The Brush Gods Say

Yomigami: Anybody got any pens so I can draw on my paper tail?

Tachigami: ARGH! I CAN'T PICK UP MY SWORD! IT'S SO HEAVY!

Sakigami: I keep getting bugged by gardeners.

Hasugami: Ever time I go near the water, frogs appear out of nowhere! I hate frogs!

Bakugami: What happens if I light this string? –BOOM!-

Tsutagami: I could hang people with these vines!

Nuregami: Umph phu muph huph? (erm...what? Can hear you coz you're under water.)

Yumigami: I'm the best cricket player ever with my hammer!

Kazegami: They say run like the wind, well guess what? I AM THE WIND!

Moegami: -singing- BURN, BABY, BURN! –gets water thrown over him- AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

(Much better...NEXT!)

Kasugami: -hiccup- I feel dizzy...-hiccup-

Kabegami: The walls have ears...oh lookie! LITTLE LIGHT BALLS!

Gekigami: I'm even better at aiming than Robin Hood! Up yours Zeus!

Itegami: Waddya mean I look like a woolly rhino!?

* * *

...I think these were random. Ah well...better than nothing eh?  
I may not update as fast as you wish me to because these next few days (meaning the rest of this week and next week) I'm having my mock exams and must revise. I'm not enjoying them one bit! Rather get my throat slashed by Waka's sword! -looks at Waka worriedly- Erm...I was only joking!  
I finally managed to update my profile! Have a look if you wish, that's what they're for! Review please and...oh bugger. -looks into the distance to spot some angry gods- THEY'RE BACK FOR REVENGE! -runs like a wolf has never done before while dropping a note saying 'Be back soon...if I survive that is'- 


	15. Bandit Spider

Now to say... OMG I'M ALIVE =o I HARDLY DARE TO BELIEVE IT xD  
Really sorry people! I haven't been active on Fanfiction in DONKEY'S AGE just I've been having really rough ups and downs in my life and homework, it's been HELL here so I haven't had the time or inspiration to be able to repost these jokes, I was losing my touch.  
Think I got them back now x3 let's hope so lol  
I hope you like these jokes and hope I'm getting back into the swing of things =D Enjoy!  
Disclaimer~ I do not own these characters, sadly otherwise I'd sure as hell mess them up big time! xD Belong to Clover Studios

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Things you would never hear a Bandit Spider say

1. Me be a bandit... where my mask? I want my mask! Mask now!

2. Spider Queen? She my mate! No tell her me here, she bite my head off.

3. Never need to buy lamps; I got some on my butt!

4. –grabs treasure and strokes it- my preciousssss... touch I bite.

5. I want new sandals! Size 50 please.

6. Make that 8 new sandals... not pairs! Got 8 feet, spider duh!

7. I win the biggest flower competition, with my butt!

8. I hate flower lovers and hippies... they might smell my butt... the perverts.

9. Gimme all your stuff now! I ish robbing you! Or else I kick you with my size 50 shoes!

10. I'm one spider that isn't pervy enough to hide in baths... ewwwww.

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There we go, few jokes for yaz x3 hopefully the next ones will come sooner than this one has taken... I hope so seeing summer has kicked in xD R&R please... no not ammo Read and Review! In this case, reviews are nice x3 thankies yew so much!  
~Blackie


	16. Mr Orange and Mrs Orange

Hey dudes, yes I'm still alive, it's amazing isnt it? lmao  
Well, what to say... I know, I'm updating this really slow but it's just...  
1. I'm running a bit low on characters, I've used all the main ones so I have to think harder for these mini ones.  
2. Haven't exactly been in the joking mood, but from time to time... FWEEEEEEE!  
POW!  
BOOM!  
DUDE!

Well, now for maybe a little rant... DUDES WTH? I've had a few people say "oh these aren't so funny, dunno what the big deal is." right, care to tell me WHY? OF COURSE NOT! How the hell am I meant to improve with comments like that? If you don't like it, tell me WHY. It's NICE and UNDERSTANDING to know WHAT the HELL you don't find funny about it. I'll be ignoring all comments that go all "omg you faker =P" or something, you can get hit by a bus for all I care, so screw ya random haters :P

And I say now... OBESSED WITH TWILIGHT, YES! xD TEAM EDWARD, GO!

And as well... OKAMIDEN FOR THE DS? TRULY? WOW! Sequal too I heard... but it looks quite close to the original Okami only you're Chibiterasu, who'm I'm unsure if it's male or female... wiki says female, Nintendo magazine says male... ok, that helps. I think I trust Nintendo more then wiki, since wiki is made from people out there, so MALE I BELIEVE. Makes sense, the last was female, why not male this time? =3 TOTALLY DUDE! But yes, I will end up being last in line, bloody damn being British, wait last for games ALWAYS! Second or first for movies fweee =D

-cough- With that out of the way, enjoy this lil thing!

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Things You Would Never Hear Mr Orange and Mrs Orange Say

Mr Orange

Call me old, do you? Why you...! I'll stick this stick up ya ass, you youn' wiper snappers!

-people in background shout "O FOR ORANGEMAN"- I'M NOT THE ORANGE MAN, MAY DANCE BUT NOT LIKE THAT! (youtube it if you don't get the joke)

I am... Albus Dumbledore; didn't have to work hard on the costume, did I?

Hey, the ants look so much bigger from down here!

-currently getting attacked by orange loving monkeys- AWAY WITH YOU, I SHALL DEFEND THIS ORANGE ATOP MY HEAD WITH MY... HEAD!

The name's Orange... Mr Orange.

***

Mrs Orange

Cherry cakes are on sale! Cherry cakes on, oh. –sees all gone already- ...never mind.

Always the champion at orange balancing competition, need more challenges!

Wonder what my pole is being used for now...?

Sun! Need you! Laundry wet again!

I really need to sort out my husband's drinking habits and his obsession with a tree.

Cherries, Oranges, difference? None, of course!

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-awkward silence- ...er, yeah xD  
I know, I might be getting a little rusty now but I've tried my best =3 I rather enjoyed writing this xD hopefully, if I can get into the mood, I will be able to write this a bit more quicker, update quicker, yay!  
Expect jokes from smaller characters really, I might try Himiko, if I haven't already done so, and that stalking guy with a pot on his head... honestly, WHAT IS THE POINT IN HIM? Oh give me the future to pottery, yes I really do care deeply for your freaking pottery. And I cannot forget Kaguya, no way! I'll definately stick her in the electric chair -grin-  
REVIEWS APPRECIATED, but I am DEEPLY flattered by the amount of attention this little fanfic actually has had, honestly! I'm speechless! Thank you guys so much! LOVE YOU ALL, OKAMI FANS! LOVE YOU MORE WAKA FANGIRLS!  
~Blackie


	17. Chibiterasu SPOILERS ONWARDS

HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN, MY FELLOW FANS? Yes, yonks. I couldn't find anymore characters to _really _make fun of, then I heard of Okamiden. So, I decided to wait until I complete Okamiden before I continue onwards, in case Okamiden changes anything or I could add things later when I really want to, but end up not doing. I can confirm I have beaten Okamiden! What a story we had!

But this means I must also confirm that anything here and beyond, there are going to be spoilers for Okamiden and if you don't want spoilers you should wait and go buy the game and beat it before you continue onwards. I will not be the object of complaint because you feel like being a pain in the neck!

**SPOILER WARNING BEYOND THIS POINT.**

I couldn't believe the story, somewhat, after finding out why Kurow looked like Waka's reincarnate into brat form. Why do people seem to be hating Waka even more after that? He's manipulative, sure, but I love manipulative people, it's smart! I love Waka even more for doing what he did, he coulda ignored it, he actually righted his wrongs with what he did. I just can't comprehend...

My humour has changed from light-hearted to sarcastic all of a sudden. Hm. I hope that doesn't deterre you lot! I'll try to update these more frequently and I will be taking requests for characters as per usual! Now, read on my fellow readers!

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Things You Will Never Hear Chibiterasu Say

The popularity of yaoi under Okami will rise in huge ranks _and it's all my fault!_

So, really, after letting Kurow go, he dies anyway? Last time I'll be nice to that beggar.

I look at Issun, and he still calls me Chibi. *cough*

Like mother like son. Literally.

I ask; how do you build an _entire _theatre complete with annoying as hell dungeon like area in Sei-An City in less than nine months?

Raiden spent an _entire _nine months in the _exact _same spot as before doing absolutely nothing? Dare I say, I don't believe you.

I look on the internet and laugh in glee as I watch everyone fight over who my father is.

Got a picture of me looking serious, and I still don't look serious. Seriously.

I'll never look at a catfish the same way again after that… _carp._

Just going to the Demon Market to buy some bones. Yum!

That Madam Fawn, fortune teller, saw that the imps would steal her stuff and she did nothing about it? Humans are getting lazier by the day!

By the Gods! I really look like _that?_ *dabs on fur whilst looking at doppelgänger mirror*

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Changes, but yeah.

Again, requests for characters are accepted! Come and request if you so desire!

Oh and review and all that bollocks ;D  
~Blackie


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